Bargaining with the future

This week I decided I would not.

In the middle of compiling videos for my own personal curation and inspiration this week, I found Charlene’s firefly video and learned that Ferd Eggan, aka the Cranky PWA, has passed away. I’d only exchanged a few encouraging emails w/ Ferd over time but have never forgotten this video or this one, which are thankfully preserved on public servers. Jay was also fortunate enough to capture some of Ferd’s thoughts on dying before he passed. Instead of trying to find a cliche to write about how moving and important Ferd’s work is for a span of generations, I’ll just say that it’s easier to miss someone when you can watch them again in a film. I wish I had more footage of my own missings.

I do my best work when I have reflections & start projects when I consume the inspirational: write best after reading, film best after watching. Lesbians and Pan, both by Sarah Garmisa, make me want to productively film how I feel. Patalab motivates me every time he posts anything (I also respect acronyms, not to mention I crack them w/ ease). And since working within constraints is all the rage in my mind (see Lumiere videos), I was ever so pleased to find cell phone video genius mmmff, a guy who was probably running around the UIowa campus at the same time I was. What a loss to have not bridged through our mutual friends.

The now discarded Fast Moving Animals should come back, then take requests. I look like night gym when I sleep on my stomach (which is pretty much always). I wish all of my videos looked/sounded like this compilation. I also wish I had more long hallways in my life. I instead seem to have many stairs and maps. Spatial guides are good for the journey. I could spend all day looking at It Won’t Fucking Kill You because other people’s photographic overexposure is greater than or equal to my cinematic own.

As women, do we have to be so confused about our roles? There is more to life than going up in smoke or uh, fighting back. I vote for love.

I got a journal from AAC in the mail. I wish I had it for more than two weeks and wasn’t already absorbed in finishing a personally critical book. I have a few potential recipients lined up when I’m done recording this portion of my truth - want in?

We have to document or the future won’t remember.